Assalamualaikum. Its been a long time I’m not blogging. So hi
readers!
My post today it is not because of the Junghyun or whatever
but because of him I would like to share my personal experienced on this mental
health.
I had a depression back then
right after graduated from Matriculation College. I’m pretty sure I doesn’t tell
anyone else. I did but they did nothing. I’m sorry to say this. So let me tell
you a story. I was sick. Im sick. Doctor said Im diagnosed with “this” disease.
At that time my heart broke into a pieces. I felt like dying. People keep
saying I can’t live longer. It give me pressure. I cry almost everyday. I try
to find how to cure my disease on the internet. I try
and try until I lost hope. The reality is my condition will never getting
better. That’s the fact. I need to face the reality.
I start blaming myself. I know
all this comes from myself. Myself. I’ve being cruel to myself. I did tell my
friends. My close friends about my conditions but I don’t know somehow I felt
like they don’t even care about me. I even lost my appetite, I cannot watch any
tv show that related to health. I can’t even hear to my disease name cause it gives
me pressure, I don't want to talk to people like a month. I cannot laugh to joke anymore. I totally become a different person. But I try to act like a normal whenever Im with my family. At the some point where I can’t bear with all this bullshit
anymore, I cried and texting my mum how I feel. My mum come to me and seeing me
crying so badly at my bed. I told her I don’t want to die. I wanna live longer
like other. I wanna be healthier like my friends. I want my life back. Then, my
mum hugged me. She’s tried to comfort me. Saying “Ya allah kau pindahkan lah
sakit tu kat aku. Jangan bagi anak aku sakit” can you feel it???????? I was
hopeless.
So my mum try to bring joy in me.
She took me to Sabah for a short vacations. Yes it gives me calmness. We’ve
also tried traditional method. But it doesn’t seem like my condition will get
better. Yes guys I still need treatment. I still need to meet my doctor every 3
months.
Alhamdullillah. Now I boleh
terima qada qadar tuhan. I know things happen for a reason. I know ada hikmah. Don’t
worry I enjoy my life well now. What I can say here, I’ve experienced
depression but glad that I’ve never thought of killing myself. How can I commit
suicide when I refuse to die??? LOL.
Maybe some of you would say it
just a symptom of depression and you’re over. Hahahha. Guys, you will never
ever understand what these people feel. I’ve been in this situation. I did
shared my story, I showed them how I feel but I still feel the sadness inside
me. Their words doesn’t help me. I don’t know. All they can say is sabar sabar
sabar. Like how tho???? Well maybe the conversation through phone call its not
a good idea (otp with my friends). Because after you ended the call they will
never come to you to give a support. While Im looking for someone that can
comfort me.
So please if you have friends
that suffer from depression please don’t leave them. Not even a single day. Try
to communicate and bring the joy in them. They need your attentions. They need
your care. Try to understand what they’re telling you. They know you can’t even
understand it 100% but at least be there for them.